


Turn of Events

by proceduralpassion87



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: F/M, chexton, tumblr saw it first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24046342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proceduralpassion87/pseuds/proceduralpassion87
Summary: A rewrite of Ethan and April's talk at the end of 5x19.
Relationships: Ethan Choi/April Sexton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Turn of Events

A lone duffel bag lay against the wall, right beside the couch that Ethan sat on. His mind churned out deep thoughts and reflections while he waited for his partner to arrive. He hadn’t bothered getting comfortable, kicking off his shoes or lounging back on the sofa. Instead, he sat straight up with not even one article of clothing removed from his body. He’d come straight home with only one mission; to pack a bag.

And so now, he remained still and thought about where his current relationship went wrong. Or whether it was right to begin with. His mind flashed back to that night at Noah’s graduation party. Nothing else mattered except getting to April. He couldn’t describe the reasoning behind his actions; he just knew he had to have her. So he looked far and wide before finding her off to herself. The kiss they shared was tender poetry and ignited profound curiosity for one another. If only less than a minute of their lips joining together could bring about such craving between them, then what other secrets did they have hiding underneath the surface?

They’d spent the early portion of their relationship exploring each other physically and at a superficial level. Somewhere along the way, they never found the effort or dedication to really get to know each other on a much more intimate level. Sure, they knew just how to make the other squirm or what maneuver that’d leave them clutching the sheets, but when had they ever gone deeper?

Ethan was a man of structure. Every action had a reason. Practicality ran through his veins. It was only natural that as his relationship with April progressed, he’d eventually ask her to marry him and they’d have children. She was beautiful, amiable, and checked off every box on paper for him. Over the past two years, a level of comfort had settled between them and this is when he knew it was time for them to take serious steps towards committing themselves to one another. Right as their future life together was slowly coming together piece by piece, it had imploded within an instant.

The betrayal of an outside liaison seared Ethan deeply. A roaring pain that was foreign to his senses. Loyalty was an utmost important value of his and to have that trifled with so carelessly jolted Ethan’s core. Behind that ache was confusion. Where did they go wrong? Did she want to be in this relationship? Was it misgivings about moving so quickly with the engagement and IVF?

April walked through the door, obviously spent from her exhausting day in the ED. She also couldn’t hide the chagrin on her face, unquestionably from the news of Ethan physically assaulting her partner in crime.

“Really, you hit him?”

Ethan takes a pause to gather his thoughts.

“Yeah… The thing is April… It was so easy for me to see Crockett as the problem.” It was a realization that should have come to the both of them sooner. The truth was that there were longstanding problems in their relationship before the New Orleans surgeon even entered the picture.

April doesn’t want to hear it. She interrupts him because she doesn’t want to hear how their relationship is as fragile as a stack of cards. Ethan fights to have his voice heard, however. While usually soft in tone, he increases his volume in the spar for verbal dominance.

“We did this wrong. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but at some point, we hit autopilot and never looked back.” She still had no desire to have those thoughts be confirmed or spoken, but she stood quietly and allowed him to speak.

“I mean, did you ever want to be with me? Did I ever want to be with you?” At this, her eyes widened in surprise and hurt. Ethan realized how harsh he came across and quickly rephrased his words. His hands jut out towards her in a coaxing manner to indicate his attrition.

“No, I don’t mean it like that! I just.. I wonder if we’re both placeholders for the relationships we want and no-” She lets out a whimper and he realizes no matter how he says it, the words still paint a bleak reality that they found themselves stuck in. Ethan had never found a problem with this predicament until now. In fact, part of him even embraced the notion. Not everyone gets their epic love story and he was fine with that, even if that meant both having and being a “placeholder” for a partner.

The pathetic element of such a mindset had only made itself visible to him recently. The betrayal of being deceived had opened his eyes to how unfair he, himself, might have been. It became obvious to him that April wasn’t appeased with not being his one true love. Or maybe he wasn’t her true love. Either way, she didn’t want him. This was the only conclusion that made sense to him.

“April, whatever it is you want, it isn’t me.” He declared the statement as if the words were twisting him inside. And they were. He had never before felt such unworthiness.

“Ethan, that’s not true. What are you- where are you going?!” She steps in front of him and blocks him from reaching for his belongings. Mustering up all the might she can with her foot, the bag slips down the hallway and she halts him from going to retrieve it.

“Baby, baby listen to me. Listen to me!” The desperation in April’s cry was incontestable. This wasn’t what she wanted. This was never what she wanted. That’s what kept racing through her mind. She couldn’t explain herself or give a reason to her actions, but all that kept blaring through her consciousness was that what she did was wrong and she was in love with Ethan.

“I-I messed up. I made a mistake.. But I still want you, I love you.”  
“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is Ethan! It’s true, I love you! I want you.”

“No you don’t April. You don’t want me. You want this.” His voice was meek. He pointed between the two of them to get his point across. In his eyes, it was an inevitable truth that she was in the same spot he was. It became all too clear in the heat of things. She flew where the wind blew her and maybe that was part of her charm. But he knew he wasn’t the great love of her life either.

“Okay, maybe I- maybe I’m not head over heels for you, but that never mattered. It never mattered, Ethan, because you still make me happy. You still are the most important person to me. Jus- please, tell me what I need to do to fix this. I want to make this work.”

Her words spoke one thing but he felt her true intentions said another. He didn’t know what to believe or what to rely on.

“I know your trust is broken. I know it’s going to take a lot, but. But don’t give up on me.”

He could lie to her and lie to himself and say that he could wash his hands clean of her after all they have gone through together, but the pleading in her voice is something he just couldn’t ignore.

They’d agreed earlier to put a halt on trying to have a baby. And then, they stalled from wedding planning, neglecting to put a deposit on the venue they were recently looking at. Deep down inside, she knew it’d be stupid to continue all of that with the current collapsed status of their relationship. But she’d pick it all back up again if it meant Ethan would stay. She had become so consumed with making him happy as the guilt rotted her from inside out. She’d lost a part of herself and if the April from say five years ago could see her now, she’d be bewildered and disappointed.

Still, she was intent on making things right. Not only to settle her conscience, but to reconcile with the person who made her happy.

“Please..”

If there was the slightest chance they could get to another place, a better place, it didn’t feel right for Ethan to completely walk away. He couldn’t quit without knowing for sure. He couldn’t see the other side of the tunnel, quite yet. But it’d be a thread he’d wish he’d pulled when he had the opportunity. So he makes a compromise between his head and his heart.

“I’m not saying I’m done, I just need space.”

He fetched his bag and backed away to the door as April’s hand was still held out, reaching for him.

It was absurdly easy how she had pushed her pride to the side. Her transgressions had pulled her into desperate territory, prepared to do anything to right her wrongs. To get things back to how they were before. Maybe it ultimately wouldn’t work with the two of them. But she was too set in her hard-wired ways and too complacent in their relationship to have it end like this.

Successful or unfortunate.. This was a perpetual turn of events.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, okay! So this was an interesting write.. I feel like this was the only justifiable way (for me personally) to rewrite episode 19. I’ve always shipped Chexton for their attractiveness as a couple and their fluffy, cute moments (supply closet kiss, playing naked Nerf, etc). However, on a deeper level, I’m indifferent towards them because we didn’t get to see WHY and HOW they fell in love (Are they in love or are they just together?). As tumblr user @sextonsharpwinhalstead continuously brings up the very good point that April isn’t given a lot of agency (none is probs more accurate) and so we fail to see her side of things. It gives her a “fly by the wind” characterization, as if she could be a-okay with whoever she’s with. My headcanon is that she just wants to make those around her happy and find her own happiness somewhere within that because she was conditioned to be that way for as long as she could remember and that’s why she gave up her dream of being a doctor a long time ago to appease Noah and her parents, but I digress. I still wanted to do the request justice so I left it somewhat open ended. Also, this is fanon where we make our own rules and therefore it could be a very real possibility that they somehow manage to find their way back to one another. However, if I were to ever continue this, they would break up, she would go to medical school, and fall deeply in love later with a completely new individual who challenges everything she’s ever believed and is sprung off her from the moment they meet. Ok that’s enough.   
> Hope you all enjoy it! Please read, leave comments and kudos!


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